Mercy unto you, and peace and love be multiplied. Jude 1
Here he is~ my handsome, winsome, quiet, well mannered, firstborn grandson Eliot.
He was born in a year that most people immediately associate with 9/11 and national trauma and disaster.
In my small piece of God’s big world, in His even bigger universe, 2001 was my own year of several disasters. My father dropped dead suddenly of a heart attack as he was playing golf, one beautiful May day in Tennessee. It happened to be on the same day as we were readying the home of Eliot’s parents to receive him from the hospital birth experience. This was a first time experience, for parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles all, so excitement ran high that day.
He was a cutie, his preciousness as yet unknown and still anticipated with much joy and thanksgiving to God, the giver of all good things.
My father, dead? It barely could compute as he was 71 years old, in pretty decent health and quite well loved as the beloved Baba. He had called me that very morning and said “Sue, being a grandfather has been grand, but being a great grandfather is greater!”
The emotions went from ceiling to basement in one fell swoop. I recall thinking the timing was horrific, as agonizing as the news was, but never considering that God’s gift of Eliot was any less beautiful or important.
A month later, my husband of 30 years announced his intention to leave the marriage and head back to his former country of origin, leaving the children and myself, and our newborn grandson, beautiful and small as he was, to return to a life that did not include any of us. BAM. This news hit me hard and as I floundered under the weight of my pain and devastation, God’s Word, memorized when I was a teen aged girl, kept interrupting my thoughts and giving me Hope. Impossible Hope in an upside down world! The verse I returned to mentally, most often, was:
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.
Back to the future….
Eliot graduating from High School!! It was a delightfully full past 18 years, after the shock and grief settled in, the divorce happened, the children grew in spite of trauma and pain, it was Blessing upon Blessing that my world experienced.
Learning to be a proper Grammy, so different and less exhausting than being the parent, took up hours of former ‘think time’ and replaced it with new memories and images. The last years are not to be ignored or minimized as to their negative consequences, just put into perspective, like a new book being written, because the chapters are done of that Book 1 of Sue.
The first of 13 grandchildren has graduated from High School!! There was a line of accomplishment when my youngest son graduated from High School, but still so much pain and difficulty ahead, making that line seem less clear. A few more chapters had to be added onto my book from that graduation until now.
The happy chapters included baby births, love expanding and growing deeper and deeper, spouses adding on to the family tree, as gnarled and broken as it seems to be!There is never a heart that cannot stretch to love people more! Mine keeps stretching, as I see Book 2 of Sue might include other spouses and babies to love- in that future I mentioned. 🙂
Always remembering that God, Who actually provided for our brokenness, also known to Him as SIN, by sending His own Son to die , take the punishment and bear the guilt that I deserved, helps me to know He is compassionate, kind, loving , and Holy. I actually want Him to punish SIN, because He alone can do it Justly. I am simply thankful to have Jesus love me. This helps on the Miserable chapter days, truly!
This morning I was kind of stuck in my head about my ‘former troubles’, so was praying for the Holy Spirit(Who, by the way resides within me to HELP me!!!) to give me encouragement from His Word. I decided Lamentations would help .(God had allowed the destruction of Jerusalem, way bigger devastation than my simple life!) I know from years of walking with Jesus that most every trouble is helped by seeing God’s Word and perspective!
Chapter 3, “Remember my affliction and roaming…my soul still remembers…then I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
verse 22- Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions they fail not; They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul Who seeks Him. It is good that one should Hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord…
Congratulations to my Eliot, my special gift from God Who ordained your birth, knowing that your place in this world was a special one, and you are filling it above and beyond all of my expectations!
I do love you, truly.